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Over the past few years we Bubbas have refined and honed the Underground Upgrade Club (U.U.C.) to a fine art. It requires skill, cunning and a knowledge of the enemy's patterns and intel capability (that would be the wife, or Significant Other (S.O.)). You have to be quick on your feet, sharp of wit, and NEVER underestimate your opponent. If this looks like a plan set up by the C.I.A., well ...... they stole our ideas.

First off, you must remember: CASH IS KING. Never leave a paper trail on your upgrade purchases. Tell your suppliers you are (!!Oh-Mai-Gawd!!)
sending cash though the mail. It's the kiss of death, otherwise. Take an extra twenty bucks outta the ATM each week and stick it in the coffee can next to the tool box. That's your upgrade stash and no one ever looks in rusty cans on your shelf. Credit cards are absolutely no good. You can only write checks if the Mrs. doesn't know your password to Quicken on the 'puter.

Next, you need a SAFE HOUSE to do your upgrades. This is a buddy's house where you are going to do the actual work. When its time to do the upgrade, the story is "I'm goin' over to Fred's house to help him work on his car".? In reality, you're going to Fred's house to choreograph an installation ballet you've set up for YOUR car. Reciprocate in kind.

Then, have a SHIP DROP ZONE at a business where a buddy can take your UPS or freight on the upgrade and hold it for you until you pick it up. The S.O. has spies and alliances within a 3-block radius of your home so never deliver into your neighborhood to another house, no matter how freindly the occupant may be to your cause or you will get caught.

AMASS TALENT. Get three or four Bimwad buds that know an rachet from an open end wrench to meet at the Safe House when its time to do the Upgrade. Ya'll jump in together to do the work sort of like the Amish do barn-raisin' in 'WITNESS'. See, ya gotta have the job finished when you come back home from Fred's House later that evening. Time is critical and the install must go off like clockwork so get your parts lined up ahead of time.

COMMUNICATIONS are to be only via e-mail to set the work up. Remember the enemy is sharp and possesses excellent recon intel capabilites. It is imperative to stay away from telephones and voice mail/recorders when setting up your logistics. Never leave unencrypted messages.

At the pre-appointed time you and your team sortie and engage the work like Panzers rolling into Poland. Lubricate all attendees liberally with Rolling Rock and supply Nacho Doritos for nourishment. Boost morale by promising fantasy-filled dalliances with HOOTERS wimmen upon successfully completion of the tasks at hand. Although there's not a chance in hell that you'll actually make it to HOOTERS that night, the troops like to think ya'll will and it will keep their spirits up.

Sell safety items on their own merit. Generally it has been determined that spousal units will support safety upgrades (which are usually highly visible an impossible to conceal, like roll bars, harnesses, etc.) and save the UUC upgrades for performance items. However, be prepared for the dreaded SIC (Safety Item Comeback) which defies male logic with retorts like: "If you stopped going to the track you wouldn't NEED safety upgrades, right? Why not coach lil' Johnnies T-Ball instead?". Your usual response to this will be to mumble something unintelligible as you head off to take out the trash.

When you do get caught with a post-install upgrade....and you will.....the sharp UUC'er will have his story ready. For example:


S.O.: "What did you do to the car? It rides really rough and seems lower to the ground?"

You: "Ahhhh...yes honey, the car DOES ride a little harder. I made an adjustment to the castor by shimiming the kingpins and tensioning the rear torsion bar using some replacement Delrin bushings with an offset camber angle adjustment of - 2.0 degrees and let some air out of the tires".

(this is told in lieu of declaring the entire Bilstein Sport, H&R Spring, R-D Sport Sway Bar, K-MAC Camber Plate upgrade....chaaaacCHING... $2,000)

S.O.: "And how much do these Delrin Bushings cost?"

You: "Oh, those are pretty cheap...only $ 35 for the set". (This is not a lie, you just didn't use any).

S.O.: "Hrrrummpp...$ 35 for bushings???!!! That could have gone in the fund for the new carpet in the house. Well, I don't like the way it rides.
I'm not going to drive it now".

You (casually): "Oh really? I hardly even noticed the difference. We'll get that carpet for you ...ahh....next year.

Situation: Handled.

That's how its done by the masters.....

The only possible way this all blows up in your face is when you wanna sell the car (or you total it) and they only want to pay you book value for it. Take it like a man and MAKE SURE you do not make little moaning and upset noises if your S.O. is present or else she may finally figure out you have a 3-year-old; $30,000 focus.
 

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thats very funny!.
if i was married to a woman that didnt support that, im sure it would be useful.
but i guess i gotta be married first

Brent
 

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I am Teds custom title. Not anything like the one
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ahhh... well said my friend
 

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Franklin's My Friend!
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or you can find a girl like me who wants their car to be faster than their boyfriends/husbands


(i'm creeping up on randys car)
 

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Hahahahahahahahahahaha I like this....unfortunately I'm broke as a joke AFTER the paycheck pays all the bills...
 

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Is it ok that I have 2 other checking accts that my wife doesn't know about? And is it ok that my checks are direct deposited accordingly into those said accts without my wife knowing? If so, then I believe I'm up for a master ninja position.
 

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Sir Buffs A LOT
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A very good read. After 21 years of marriage, I usually take a different approach. I have to watch my pennies as it is due to my daughter in college & my son only 1 year away from that point, so any additional "mod" money has to be well spent. Anyway, when or if my wife gives me hard time about buying this or that for my car, this is how I handle it. I go over give her a big hug, grab her hand and walk her up to the bedroom. When we get there, turn on a little soft music, & the dramatically open her closet door and reaquaint her with all of her clothes and shoes! I then give her a little kiss on the cheek and go back to the computer to surf the 'net for some good deals for my car....
 

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Driver > Car
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My wife supports me in my hobbies. She knows i like to tinker with cars, but i just cant aquire too many. Yet. Yet.
 

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My wife supports me in my hobbies. She knows i like to tinker with cars, but i just cant aquire too many. Yet. Yet.
that's how we are. I think it's great that my husband has a hobby he's so passionate about, he just has a couple of "rules". Like he can only have as many cars as can fit in the driveway/garage while still leaving room for my one car.
And he always has to have ONE car that works- I could care less if that switches daily or which one it is.
I figure there are so many worse things he could be doing than modding his car (strip clubs, bars etc) so I will fully support him in this.
 

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I understang, my thing is if I get this then she has to get that (that is after all bills, savings, etc. etc. are paid). And even then its not guarenteed she won't like it. But she does like to drive the 500hp sleeper mustang on nice days....

I use EXACTLY your agenda when I'm upgrading her car. But I usually offer to pay for the fix (tires, brakes, yearly check up etc. etc.). So a air filter may make it onto the car, maybe a set of underdrive pulleys, exhaust, big brakes, tires.

It just HAS to look the same... which is why I love sleepers, in the true NINJA tradition!

CCD - conceilment, camoflage, decoy, they never saw it coming!

Anyways take it easy
-bix
 

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"Damn baby, the turbo just broke on my BMW, I have to buy a new one."
 

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My wife supports me in my hobbies. She knows i like to tinker with cars, but i just cant aquire too many. Yet. Yet.
Same here.... she's well aware that once the Focus is paid off it becomes a full out track slave beast.

Just as long as I put some away for the million dollar house fund, and the 3 million dollar kids' education fund, she'll be OK.
 

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OMFG Thats perfect!!! Except I always spend that money that's in the coffee can
.
 

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i never uderstood this about married people. maybe cuz im not married. i have a girlfriend. its not the same but still. the money i make gets spent however i want. if i have extra cash for part im buying them. my girl knows when we are married thats the way its gonna be. she can spend her money her way i can spend mine my way. that is the left over money after all the bills and such are paid. you have to be somewaht responsible.
 

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i never uderstood this about married people. maybe cuz im not married. i have a girlfriend. its not the same but still. the money i make gets spent however i want. if i have extra cash for part im buying them. my girl knows when we are married thats the way its gonna be. she can spend her money her way i can spend mine my way. that is the left over money after all the bills and such are paid. you have to be somewaht responsible.
Just wait till you are married and have kids.
 

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i never uderstood this about married people. maybe cuz im not married. i have a girlfriend. its not the same but still. the money i make gets spent however i want. if i have extra cash for part im buying them. my girl knows when we are married thats the way its gonna be. she can spend her money her way i can spend mine my way. that is the left over money after all the bills and such are paid. you have to be somewaht responsible.
Just wait till you are married and have kids.
we're married and have a child (we also own a house)


If one person takes away something the other person loves just because they got married nd had kids,you're going to have some serious marital issues IMO.
 
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